Bursting

"In in the midst of all your try-hard effort to do love right,

 you are missing out on loving well."- Emily Freeman

My heart is bursting with joy. Experiencing and recognizing a time when you are fully alive is incredible. Today I had lunch with some of my favorite kiddos and I left feeling so blessed. 

I'd thought of the idea of going to have lunch with the kids I tutor and had briefly mentioned it to them (side note: never promise a child something you're not going to do... they NEVER forget things!). They were thrilled and begged me to make sure I'd really come visit. I'll admit it, the idea seemed great, but this morning I started having the thoughts, "it would be nice to just stay home and get a few things done" and "what if the kids aren't at school today... that would be awkward.." Ridiculous thoughts that were trying to drive me away from my origin desire. I ignored those ideas and headed for the school. As I walked into the cafeteria, I was suddenly met with fear. There were TONS of kids in the cafeteria and I didn't recognize any of them. How was I going to find the girls? Then, I saw a familiar face and was greeted with a hug. Another girl that comes to tutoring recognized me and began pointing out LOTS of kids that I knew from tutoring. More and more kids would see me, smile and then run over to hug me. I was overwhelmed with joy and love. 

By the time we sat down for lunch, our table was filled with kids that come to tutoring each week. We giggled and chatted about the mile run (they thought it was the worst thing ever), crushes and upcoming classes. I felt so alive as I was hugging on those kids and talking with them about their day. 

When I started tutoring these kids I felt very unqualified and unsure of how I would teach them. I was assigned to the 4th graders and we began tackling multiplication, spelling words and reading comprehension. Working with students who spoke little English, I was clueless as to how to teach them reading and writing. Yet, I am seeing over and over again how I need to stop waiting to be qualified for a task, but rather just show up and simply love. The kids are so dang good at that; I need to learn more from them.

"What is alive within you that you can now give to someone else? What does it look like for the artist to move into her world fully alive and available."- A Million Little Ways, Emily Freeman

I am still learning and discovering what it looks like to be fully alive and how to share that with others, but I know that today I felt alive and it felt incredible.