Bursting

"In in the midst of all your try-hard effort to do love right,

 you are missing out on loving well."- Emily Freeman

My heart is bursting with joy. Experiencing and recognizing a time when you are fully alive is incredible. Today I had lunch with some of my favorite kiddos and I left feeling so blessed. 

I'd thought of the idea of going to have lunch with the kids I tutor and had briefly mentioned it to them (side note: never promise a child something you're not going to do... they NEVER forget things!). They were thrilled and begged me to make sure I'd really come visit. I'll admit it, the idea seemed great, but this morning I started having the thoughts, "it would be nice to just stay home and get a few things done" and "what if the kids aren't at school today... that would be awkward.." Ridiculous thoughts that were trying to drive me away from my origin desire. I ignored those ideas and headed for the school. As I walked into the cafeteria, I was suddenly met with fear. There were TONS of kids in the cafeteria and I didn't recognize any of them. How was I going to find the girls? Then, I saw a familiar face and was greeted with a hug. Another girl that comes to tutoring recognized me and began pointing out LOTS of kids that I knew from tutoring. More and more kids would see me, smile and then run over to hug me. I was overwhelmed with joy and love. 

By the time we sat down for lunch, our table was filled with kids that come to tutoring each week. We giggled and chatted about the mile run (they thought it was the worst thing ever), crushes and upcoming classes. I felt so alive as I was hugging on those kids and talking with them about their day. 

When I started tutoring these kids I felt very unqualified and unsure of how I would teach them. I was assigned to the 4th graders and we began tackling multiplication, spelling words and reading comprehension. Working with students who spoke little English, I was clueless as to how to teach them reading and writing. Yet, I am seeing over and over again how I need to stop waiting to be qualified for a task, but rather just show up and simply love. The kids are so dang good at that; I need to learn more from them.

"What is alive within you that you can now give to someone else? What does it look like for the artist to move into her world fully alive and available."- A Million Little Ways, Emily Freeman

I am still learning and discovering what it looks like to be fully alive and how to share that with others, but I know that today I felt alive and it felt incredible. 

Child-like Joy

Yesterday I tutored some of the sweetest kids I've ever met. Our church has a partnership with a local elementary school; we provide supplies for the students, lunches for the teachers, support etc. It is a wonderful idea (the church I grew up in also does this) and frankly, I think we need more churches involved in the public schools. Many of the students at this elementary school are Hispanic and quite a few of them live in a trailer park right near our church. 

We have started an after-school tutoring program for the kids in this neighborhood and every week more kids show up. Members of the church go and pick up the kids and we provide homework assistance, tutoring, and a yummy snack. It is WONDERFUL. Wednesday have become my favorite day of the work week because I get to see these sweet kids. Let me tell you about these kids.

Many of them, although not all, are Hispanic and have immigrated here from Mexico and Central/South America (a lot from Honduras).  A lot of them speak very little English, although they are learning incredibly fast! From the moment they walk in the door these kids are running and laughing, hugging us and capturing our attention. We let them play on the playground for a few minutes, then they head up to meet the tutors. My favorite part is when they come running up the stairs for tutoring, laughing and squealing because they are EXCITED to learn and complete their homework. Wow. I don't know many kids like that. They coming running in hugging all of us and overflowing with joy. Honestly, just thinking about their faces makes me almost tear up. 

I have been working with the fourth graders, specifically two kids that speak essentially no English. The first day I shocked them when I started talking in Spanish, say what?! A blonde-hair, blue-eyed girl talking in Spanish? We're slowly tackling their homework, which is ridiculously hard for them, but boy do they give it all they've got. Last week, I realized that one of the girls I've been working with not only does not know English, she is illiterate in Spanish too. Fourth grade and she doesn't even know the alphabet in Spanish. Oh that sweet, sweet girl. Life has been unfair for her but she is fighting on and asking lots of questions. My heart hurts for these kids when I hear of their childhood- moving from one country to the next, little schooling and a huge educational gap, but then I hear that laughter and remember that they STILL have so much joy because there is so much more to life than learning new vocab words. 

Every week I drive a few of the kids home, stopping to drop each one off at their trailer. And every week, I'm blown away by their living situation. The playground in the neighborhood is definitely not up to code and the kids told me "bad" things happen there like drugs. Many of the trailers are decaying away, but that joy, oh that joy they have. Children have so much to offer and teach us; I'm learning new things from them each week. Every week I am reminded that no matter what our life is like JOY can be found. What an incredible thing to know at such a young age, more than vocab words, or multiplication, these kids know of joy!

Love this.